Expectation and Success

Many of you who have worked with me have heard me say "fake it until you make it."    An interview published by Scientific American with G. Cook author of Mind Over Mind reiterated the importance of faking it untill you make it.  However, he calls it "expectations" and "bending reality." What does this really mean?

Every time we engage in a situation we have expectations, thoughts and assumptions that precede the event.  These are, oftentime, rooted in previous experience.  They create a sense of comfort and guide us as we move through this world.  It is why we are not like children experiencing every thing with awe for the first time and not knowing what to do.  However, what we may not realize is that our expectations prior to and during the event actually will change the outcome for better or worse. 

For example, you are invited to a relative's home for a party. Typically these parties are boring and a waste of your time.  For two weeks prior to the event you complain about having to go.  When the party is over, you feel like it was boring and a waste of time.  If however, beforehand, you had thought "I will enjoy myself and make the best of it," you probably would have.   Our expectations become somewhat of a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Just as we can think negatively about a situation, we can also think positively, whether we believe it to be true or not.  

To change your experiences to be more positive and successful, your expectations or thoughts should reflect the desired outcome before as you prepare for the event or activity.  This can be a very powerful tool for lifestyle change.  Think about your thoughts regarding lifestyle change, especially if you have tried and failed many times.  Are they positive, negative or indifferent.  What about exercise?  When you change your thoughts you are more likely to achieve what it is you desire.  Whether or not you believe it, just think, say or write it.  Below are a few examples to get you going.  

• Before you start exercising and during the exercise, say to yourself or out loud any of the following:
• I am as light as a feather, this is easy!
• I look forward to working out.
• Exercise is going to make me feel great
• I am physically fit and can do this.
• There is nothing more important than my daily workout.
• Before you eat, say to yourself one of the following:
• This meal is going to satisfy me.
• This meal is delicious and exactly what I wanted
• I am going to enjoy this meal and be completely satisfied. 
• A small amount of food is all I need. 
• When you wake up, before your day gets started
• This is going to be a great day
• I am going to accomplish everything I desire today
• There is no better day than today
• Thank you for this wonderful day
• Before and during a clothes shopping trip
• I am beautiful and everything is going to fit me
• I will find the perfect outfit for myself today
• I will find exactly what I need
• The perfect outfit is waiting for me

The bottom line is, negativity, hesitation, or doubt brings more negativity, hesitation and doubt.  Shoulding, cannot'ing, musting, doubting, and can't standing keeps us stuck and  often brings about more guilt, frustration and defeat.  Start by thinking in terms of can, will, and do.   

A few years prior this line of thinking may have been considered silly, but science has substantiated the power of thought and expectation on life outcomes.  Positive psychology is an up and coming field where we have learned how you can have a significant influence on the outcomes you desire. 

Body Image: How much do we let it impact our lives

This weekend I happened to put on The Kardashians. In the particular episodes I watched, the family was going on vacation to celebrate the 20th wedding anniversary of Bruce and Kris Jenner. Instead of embracing this noteworthy occasion, Kris Jenner obsessed on how she hated her body, comparing herself to their twenty-something yaer old daughters. Granted the exaggerated reaction may have been coaxed by show producers, but there was some truth to her experience and distain with her physical appearance. The show aired a beautiful woman, who was maybe a size 4 or 6 and obviously does not struggle with obesity, publically barrage herself for the way she looked; letting let it overshadow a monumental life event. This made me think, “How many of us permit a distorted perception of ourselves to negatively impact life?”

A quote by Dr. Joyce Nash in Thin for Life by Anne Fletcher has always stood out to me, “When you find yourself at the pearly gates, God forbid that you should say to St. Peter when he asks you what you did with your life, ‘I watched my weight.’” The question I pose to you is what do you want your life to be filled with? Enjoying and savoring the moments that define life or permitting your perceived faults overshadow or diminish the experience.

There are many ways to define our lives other than weight or looks, but sadly the later has become the cultural and personal norm. When friends get together, particularly females, they discuss weight, wrinkles, and body image. The obsession with the “ideal” body image can be found on TV, magazines that circle cellulite of perfectly normal celebrities, and advertisements for hair replacement, Botox or other age delaying products.

Over the years, I have worked with many individuals who have lost weight and are unable to embrace themselves at a new body weight, continually obsessing and engaging in negative self talk. Sadly, negative self talk becomes “normal,” and is a very difficult habit to shed.

Why wait to be the perfect size to enjoy life and accept yourself? Catch yourself engaging in negative self talk to raise awareness of how often you do it. When you notice it creeping into your thoughts or words, replace your thoughts with more positive affirmations. Wage war against negativity and poor body image. Surround yourself with positive people and individuals who are likeminded.

To be honest, I should be ashamed of myself for not turning off a show that conveys the message that self hated, in regards to body image, is acceptable and normal. Take a moment to reflect on your thoughts on personal image, if how you perceive yourself affects life, and if the culture helps define “ideal” or “normal” for you. Then consider “catching” yourself when negative self talk creeps in and redirect your thoughts to a more positive and accepting statement.